Beer Mile Results (PFMH3 151)
We had a beer mile and you missed it!!! What were you thinking? Unless your name was: Bumble Beaver, Hold the Sausage, One Inch In, Up Her Ali, Short Distance Rimmer, 2 Clump Chump, Broken Rod, Jug Stain, Tits of Steel, and a whole bunch of virgins whose names we don’t remember anymore. Hardly any of them were coherent enough to make it to circle anyway after the beer mile, so next time they have to drink.
It was a fine Fall evening, when we arrived at the Manayunk Towpath to set trail for the 1st ever PFM/Bryn Mawr Running Club Beer Mile. The Beer Mile may sound easy, but it’s broken quite a few stalwart drinkers and runners. We witnessed that this evening. Several contestants emptied their stomachs and a few just gave up before finishing.
The course was laid out along the towpath going southeast towards the Manayunk Brew Pub. There were a handful of large puddles to add a little "shiggy" to the mix for the hashers who did not feel adequately challenged or interested. The ladies heat went first – each contestant downed a beer in the staging area, then took off to run out 1/8 mile and back 1/8mile (1/4 mile total). Repeat 3x for a mile. Puking = 1 penalty lap (no matter how many times you puked). Official timers were on the course to check to make sure runners weren’t shortcutting or puking into a shadow. After about 10 minutes, the men’s heat took off (the ladies were still wrapping up their beers and laps.) Finally, after many beers, many laps, and luckily, no surprise visits from the cops, everyone finished or gave up.
Who finished? Who won? Who puked?
We are not naming names, but someone lost the official times which were officially written down on an official Beer Mile Scorecard crafted from the finest recycled cardboard box and written upon with a sharpie. However, the winners and approximate times were:
One Inch In – Male 5-7% alcohol category, approximately 10:37
Short Distance Rimmer – Male 7-9% alcohol category, approx. 11:48
Hold the Sausage – Female 7-9.9% alcohol category, approx. 11:37
Bumble Beaver – Female 10% and above alcohol category, approx. 24:15
Pukers:
The virgin with the green hat spent about 10 minutes wallowing and a rough 5 minutes puking into the towpath canal until he shot up like a bolt and finished his 3 remaining laps (2 laps plus a penalty puke lap) and his 10% beer.
After the beer mile, we walked across the street to JD McGillicuddy’s for Circle and dancing. Accusations were made:
The hare, One Inch In for being late… Tits of Steel, Broken Rod, 2 Clump for autohashing, and more that were blotted out of memory after several Golden Monkeys. A dance party spontaneously erupted and one by one hashers made it home to someone’s bed.
Does this sound like fun? Want to be a hare? Contact us here (Yahoogroups) or here (Facebook).