After meeting CYHMN at the bar, we set off to lay trail – a shot check at Cianfrani Park, a beer check at Jefferson Square and lots of checks in case Cause showed up. When we got back, we had several anxious hashers waiting upstairs: Cause for Blindness, Flounder, Shaves My Pussy (SMP), Mary Fucking Poppins (MFP)… we headed out for Chalk Talk around 7:50 … and then as we pointed the pack in the direction of the r*n, 2 Clump Chump came running up so we pointed him to the pack which was just a half a block ahead – he quickly passed them as FRB.

CYHMN and TOS then shortcutted over to the park to wait for the pack with a shot check – spiked cider with Pumpkin Whipahol topping. Just a few short minutes after we arrived, 2 Clump and MFP came bouncing through the park and we poured them some shots. As the rest of the pack caught up, CYHMN took off to go to the beer check and TOS stayed behind as a "sweeper" to follow the pack and make sure no one got too lost in the angled streets and alleys of South Philly.

We ran down 8th to Catherine, and east on Catherine to 7th… Down 7th to a check at a 6-point star at Passyunk… the pack was fooled a few times with Falses and Back Checks, but luckily a true trail arrow up Carpenter led the way to 6th, and then south on 6th, through a supermarket parking lot to the brown-bag beer check at Jefferson Square. At the beer check, we said hello to the neighborhood watch, talked about SMP’s abandonment issues and how happy he was to see us there at the shot check with alcohol, and saw we missed S&M Man by a few minutes at Woolly’s. The trail continued back to Woolly’s east on Washington to Moyamensing, and stair-stepped north and west a block or two until it led to an ON-IN mark past the Zagar murals on Leigthgow St.

Circle added a few hashers who missed the trail, many of whom drank from the sacred vessels: Urine Luck, S&M Man, Tube Cock, Bonsai Bush, He’s a Lesbian, and Just Brad who showed up very late with a popped collar after a Yacht Club dinner.

Make sure you don’t miss next month’s exciting trail, the Jingle Our Balls Hash/Philly AGM Pre-lube at the Green Room, 12/2. Details right here!

It was a fine Fall evening, when we arrived at the Manayunk Towpath to set trail for the 1st ever PFM/Bryn Mawr Running Club Beer Mile. The Beer Mile may sound easy, but it’s broken quite a few stalwart drinkers and runners. We witnessed that this evening. Several contestants emptied their stomachs and a few just gave up before finishing.

The course was laid out along the towpath going southeast towards the Manayunk Brew Pub. There were a handful of large puddles to add a little "shiggy" to the mix for the hashers who did not feel adequately challenged or interested. The ladies heat went first – each contestant downed a beer in the staging area, then took off to run out 1/8 mile and back 1/8mile (1/4 mile total). Repeat 3x for a mile. Puking = 1 penalty lap (no matter how many times you puked). Official timers were on the course to check to make sure runners weren’t shortcutting or puking into a shadow. After about 10 minutes, the men’s heat took off (the ladies were still wrapping up their beers and laps.) Finally, after many beers, many laps, and luckily, no surprise visits from the cops, everyone finished or gave up.

Who finished? Who won? Who puked?

We are not naming names, but someone lost the official times which were officially written down on an official Beer Mile Scorecard crafted from the finest recycled cardboard box and written upon with a sharpie. However, the winners and approximate times were:

One Inch In – Male 5-7% alcohol category, approximately 10:37
Short Distance Rimmer – Male 7-9% alcohol category, approx. 11:48
Hold the Sausage – Female 7-9.9% alcohol category, approx. 11:37
Bumble Beaver – Female 10% and above alcohol category, approx. 24:15

Pukers:
The virgin with the green hat spent about 10 minutes wallowing and a rough 5 minutes puking into the towpath canal until he shot up like a bolt and finished his 3 remaining laps (2 laps plus a penalty puke lap) and his 10% beer.

After the beer mile, we walked across the street to JD McGillicuddy’s for Circle and dancing. Accusations were made:
The hare, One Inch In for being late… Tits of Steel, Broken Rod, 2 Clump for autohashing, and more that were blotted out of memory after several Golden Monkeys. A dance party spontaneously erupted and one by one hashers made it home to someone’s bed.

Does this sound like fun? Want to be a hare? Contact us here (Yahoogroups) or here (Facebook).

The next Full Moon Hash will be on September 9th as part of Holy F#ck’s Beer Sampling Tour.
More details to be posted soon – including hash cash, start location and approximate crawl times.
This will not be a running hash – wear your street clothes!

Bumble Beaver and Tits of Steel are looking for hares for the Full Moon season! Let us know if you can hare a full moon hash near one of these dates!

Here are some dates:

October 12
November 10
December 10
Jan 9
Feb 7
Mar 8
April 6
May 6
June 4
July 3
August 2

What you missed at the AGM:

2 Clump Chump and Tube Cock set a shitty trail and only four of you half-minds showed up to the Druids Keep to r*n it… 3 Balls, Just Matt, Can You Hear Me Now? and Tits of Steel. Another old hasher who stopped running because of "piles" was there, keeping the barstool warm while we attempted to locate trail. We set out on trail and CYHMN immediately went the wrong way, ignored the yells of the hares, and No-No’ed it all the way to the Beer Check.

This left the trio of Justt Matt (thought it looked better with double T’s in both words), 3 Balls, and Tits to find trail. Our memories are bad due to all the beer we drank that night and no one kept notes. Somewhere past 2nd and Fairmount there was a back check and somehow TOS managed to make 3Balls feel bad for her enough to slow down so off they went to the south. Just Matt got lost despite the loud yelling of "On On!" every few blocks and wasn’t seen again until the beer check. TOS and 3Balls continued around Northern Liberties and Old City, pretty much circle jerking around blocks that seemed to be set up to make the trail as long as possible while still making the harriers feel like morons for not cutting and finding shortcuts. Straight through the Edgar Allen Homes we went, and some sketchtastic scenery as well as a few offers to buy many different types of drugs and hookers were offers. Luckily Mayor Nutter declared a curfew so we were not victims of a flash mob. We declined hoping for a Beer Near, and then found it in an empty abandoned lot right by the train tracks around 8th and Girard. After drinking of the sweet, delicious nectar, I mean PBR and Lord Chesterfield, CYHMN came from the northeastly direction, he had No-No’d the whole half of the trail to the beer check! We stood around and hoped not to get picked up by any cops for soliciting and were almost done our beers when a mugger or Just Matt’s shadow was seen coming down 8th street. Lucky for us it was Just Matt, also none of us had anything to give up other than a half drank beer and smelly running clothing.

After the beer check, we took off in the direction that CYHMN had come from, but he chose to return with us and double back on his path rather than nono the whole way. As a large group of 4, we were significantly safer in the hood. We ran through some streets and then some more, and some other more ones and got lost at a 5 pt star around 4th and George. Up and around past some warehouses we went and then we proceeded to get lost again at the Piazza. Finally a trail was found and not long after, a shot check in a playground, just the way 2 Clump likes to meet his girlfriends. We drank again of the sweet alcohol and set back off on trail. Somewhere before the shot check we lost CYHMN on the trail he had already run! Then it was up and around through where the homeless guys live under I-95 and some creepy abandoned warehouses that the casino has not gentrified yet. Just Matt and 3 Balls picked up the pace on an extremely dark, cobblestone street where all kinds of shit must go down on a regular basis, so I had to push it real hard sprinting to make it back to the bar without getting sold into the black market and shipped off to another country. Finally back at Druid’s Keep, a lot more people had showed up and smartly autohashed including Sausage, Rimmer, Bonsai Bush, Elmo, Broken Rod, Just Sadie, Just Clifford, and more…  Many accusations were made, we drank a lot of beers out of the special drinking vessels of the Philly Full Moon.

Friday May 20 will be the Flower Full Moon.

To celebrate that lunatic event, the Full Moon Hash will hash out of The Rogue, formally TA Flannery’s.

They used to have great food, and great beer, I can’t speak to whether those things are still true.

When our hair scouted the reincarnation of our old favorite, he noted that the bar looked nicer than TA Flannery’s was.

The bar tender said "It’s not that much nicer."

11 S 21st St Philadelphia, PA 19103

7:30 Hash Time Pack away at 8

If you are not sure where this is ask a friend, the bar is so new it doesn’t have a sign yet.

Cause for Blindness, Dancing Fool, Flounder, Hold the Sausage, Major Piece of *ss, Post Anal Drip, Sleeps Around The C*ck, Tube C*ck, Tw*t of Darkness, Two Clump Chump, and Working Girl

The Trail:

In honor of the Phillies, Tw*t decided to lay trail in red tape, the problem is she laid it live with only a five minute head start. Somehow she managed to pull it off (the Full Moon trail is always great). After a brief chalk talk, or is it tape talk, the pack was off. Now I must digress for a second, those of you who have been around for a while know that when you see Dancing Fool at a hash this only means one thing… Impromptu beer check out of the moving recycling bin that is his car. The problem with Fool’s generous check is that once the trail is diverted, it is tough to re-find. Luckily a few hashers knew where the real shot check was (our favorite west philly park by Spring Garden). We dogged roving cops to drink our Goldschläger and Gin and Juice. Interesting fact, Goldschläger contains about $4.25 in real gold. Anyway the pack meandered back to the bar to start…

 Circle:

(As Co-GM, Co-RA and On-sec my notes are less than complete, but unlike the BFM some trash is better than no trash)

 Hare: Tw*t of Darkness

 Virgins: None

 First in/Last in: Probably Cause

 Auto Hashers: 2 Clump Chump, Sleeps Around the C*ck, Working Girl, Hold the Sausage

 Accusations:

 Tw*t of Darkness for not enough “Red Tape”

 The rest were all funny, but you were not there so you will never know.

Announcements:

Check someone else’s trash for real announcements

With that Circle was closed so we could continue sticking small sections of hair to various parts of the body.

Overheard at the Hash:

UKH: What kind of person eats placenta?

2 Clump: A Vagetarian

On On,

    Two Clump

Who Came:

Bumble Beaver, Can You Hear Me Now, Cause for Blindness, Cleavage To Beaver, Dancing Fool, Dr. Squealgood, Flounder, Hold the Sausage, Holy F*ck, Just Cheryl, Just Eddie, Just John, Just Jean, Just Matt, Just Mike, Just Rachel, Just Rich, Just the Brown Tip, Just Tim, Likes the Hard One, Major Piece of *ss, Mr. Snuffleupamuff, Post Anal Drip, S&M Man, Sly Fox, Sloppy Ho, Sternum and Rectum , Two Clump Chump, Virgin Pimp, Where’s My Vagina?

The Trail:

As we waited outside for chalk talk, we got our first look at what everyone’s mustaches looked like, and they looked great (in a creepy 1970’s child predator kind of way). After meeting our numerous virgins and visitors, and virgin-visitors, the pack was off. I was among the walkers so we headed to the beer check at Roosevelt’s. On the way I noticed everyone we passed was staring at us, and then I realized, no they are staring at me because I am the only one wearing a handlebar mustache. While walking to the bar Cleavage described the trail to me and it went like this: Heading north from Cherry Street the pack arrived at the Parkway. After some meandering the pack found trail up and over the wall by the 676 on-ramp. After crossing the baseball field, trail headed back down the Schuylkill Trail. As we arrived at the beer check Cleavage realized that Bumble forgot to mark BN, so she ran across the street and bought flour. As soon as she was don marking Sly Fox showed up on the opposite corner looking lost (usually she feels more at home) so we flagged her down. Our hare went and made more marks showing where the BN was. Several minutes later the other hare/sweeper showed up at which point we were concerned for the pack. Bumble informed us that she short-cut’ed to beat the pack, and that she had marked BN, trail comes from the other side of the building. The rest of the pack rolled in and there was much rejoicing. After several drinks and boring conversations, the pack stammered back to Cherry Street where we had:

Circle:

(As GM, RA and On-sec my notes are less than complete, but unlike the BFM some trash is better than no trash)

Hare: Beaver²

Virgins: Several of the Justs from above

First in/Last in: Just John/ and after some arguing someone took last in

Auto Hashers: 2 Clump Chump, Mr. Muff, Likes the… Piece of *ss (and several of their virgins)

Accusations:

There were several and they were all funny, but you were not there so you will never know.

Announcements:

Check someone else’s trash for real announcements

With that Circle was closed so we could continue sticking small sections of hair to various parts of the body.

On On,

    Two Clump

Who Came:

12 foot Max, Atilla the Hung, Big Tackle, Can You Hear Me Now, Cleavage To Beaver, Domas, Dr. Squealgood, Dumpster, Hold the Sausage, Itemized Seduction, Just Anne, Just John, Just Rachel, Just Tim, Just Will, Licks Dick, Piss Cycle, Raidr, Rear Engineer, Scooby Snatch, Short Distance Rimmer, Skin Fiddle, Stacks, Sternum and Rectum, The Rash, Two Clump Chump, Virgin Pimp, Where’s My Vagina?, White Trash

The Trail:

We arranged ourselves outside for chalk talk. Our hare Stacks explained her trail, or most of it (more on that later), and then the pack set off. We ran on a route similar to the one she laid a few weeks before. We meandered south and into the woods, where we lost trail. After milling about, Rear Engineer caught up and informed us that the trail changes to pink ribbons (a detail Stacks forgot to mention). After emerging from the trails we passed by a Wedding at Lemon Hill, which was (unfortunately for them) going on the same time as a noisy Picnic (for once the pack went unnoticed). We went back into the woods and along the train tracks, I told our FRB’ing visitor not to worry that the tracks are only used once a day. He asked “What time is that?”, I replied “Usually now.” We jumped over a wall into thorn bushes, and emerged from the woods again thru another picnic, and finally to our unmarked Beer Check. The pack drizzled in as we drank an assortment of beer, shots and margaritas. We returned to the Uki Club and were met with pizza and more beer. Then we had:

Circle:

(My notes are non-existent, but unlike the BFM some trash is better than no trash)

Hare: Stacks

Virgins: one of the Justs

First in/Last in: I would have said Son of and Cause but they were not there

Auto Hashers: Cleavage to Beaver, Hold the Sausage, Piss Cycle, Short Distance Rimmer, Skin Fiddle

Accusations:

 There were several and they were all funny, but you were not there so you will never know.

Announcements:

Check someone else’s trash for real announcements

Positions: At this point Hold the Sausage announced the new GMs would be Tube Cock, and Two Clump Chump

Circle was closed so the Lack of Talent Show could begin. The participants had thirty seconds to impress us with their interpretation of talent using the props provided.

Talents included:  Whiskey Dick’s limp Rope, Strap On’s Ninja Spinning Nunchucks, Deep Flute’s Flute, Plastic Pud’s Paddle, and Three Ball’s Balls

All of the participants were fantastic, but a winner had to be chosen and it was Where’s my Vagina. She was blessed with a case of Budweiser that has been passed around more than a freshman co-ed with daddy issues.

It should be noted that she left without claiming her prize, so the beer lives on to be bestowed upon someone else.

On On,

    Two Clump